When people message me asking me how I am, I always simply reply saying “good” or “okay”. But the truth is, I’m neither. I am honestly a big friggen emotional mess. There is so much going on in my life right now, and it’s causing me to have constant breakdowns. I just cry and cry, sometimes for an hour, sometimes even longer.
I am stressed out with school. This entire semester has been one big screwed up one, not because of me, but because of the teachers. This is mainly haircutting class. We haven’t learned everything we were supposed to this semester, and we also had three different teachers, which just made us even more confused. I’m freaking out for my exam. I don’t know how to do a caesar cut, and I am not that great at finger waves (which reminds me, I came across a picture of Tyra Banks on the set of Gossip Girl, with FINGER WAVES. OH FUCK SAKES, STOP TRYING TO BRING THAT SHIT BACK. UGH). I also have so many assignments and essays due next week, and I’m just freaking out so bad. :(
Other things that are getting to me is my parents financial situation, this is something I refuse to go into details about. I think I’ve only told one person everything about it, and refuse to tell anyone else. It’s shitty shitty shitty. Of course I get everything taken out on me. I’m the only one in the house not bringing in any form of income so everything is my fault. I’m sorry I spend 40 hours of my life a week, at school and just simply couldn’t handle having a job. :/ Another thing is my practically non-existent love life. I try and try so hard to be happy with what I have and accept that Edan and I are both busy with our own lives, but I feel so… down about it all the time. I just want to see him… and by the looks of things I won’t see him again until August, or maybe even September… I try to stay positive… but that positivity is fading away. I wish that he was around more so that I could talk to him but all these things I’m feeling lately, but he’s just… not there. :(
Also… I think that theres something wrong with my mom. I can’t seem to convince her to go to the hospital…
My life is slowly falling apart. :( There is so much more stuff I am feeling but just can’t seem to put it into words / don’t want to really talk about it. I come off as this big happy, funny person… but deep down inside, I don’t feel that way at all.
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